Life must go on, part 2

It's been almost three weeks since Grandmom died. I still don't know how, or even what, to feel. One would expect it all to happen in one moment, or within a few moments. No one wants the whole thing to last almost a whole week. The sad truth is, when you've had almost four years of it feeling like she's gone but she's really still there, all confused and lost and everything, you don't want to live through another week. And to add to that, the memorial service is still over a week away. I don't know if she has already been cremated or not. I don't know if they will be able to scatter her ashes where she wanted them-- Ocean City, NJ. I don't know what to do if another member of my family ends up in that situation. And I don't know what else I can say or do. I don't know. I may never know.